i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
