32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize
