Welp...herpes.
even my farts smell like vagina
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
