i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
