I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
