dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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