That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
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