I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
