I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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