He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
