please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
