My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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