he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
