your parents love me but you hate me
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
