Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
