Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
