I wanna passion pit in your ass
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
