my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
