It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
