i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
