so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
