You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Randomize
