I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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