do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
