I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
