i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
