I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
