just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
