Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
