So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
