ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
