Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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