I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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