You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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