Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
No subtext here. People are naked.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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