Are we in a gay sports bar?
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
