We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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