Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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