i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
