I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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