I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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