My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
