i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
