I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
worst night to have a conscience
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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