I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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