got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
