its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Welp...herpes.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Less talking, more tequila
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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