So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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