mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
