i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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